+ Sometimes I just want to start keeping a flask at my desk. Yesterday just made me want to play hopscotch all over this one person's face. You ever have one of those days where you are just one F-bomb away from being an HR problem? Deep breaths...
+ Saying the phrase, "I'm eating clean" makes me want to scream...just because the majority of people a.) don't know what the hell that means and b.) because people just say it ALL THE TIME. The subsequent Instagram photos of them stuffing their faces with a burrito the size of a small child is even better.
+ I just learned that my former landlord's personal email address is "icecreamassassin@gmail.com" I'm happy to announce that any ice cream I kept in the freezer was safe during my occupancy....da fuck....
+ Chocolate has been antagonizing me...I do NOT have any time for that.
+ If I have to pay for shipping, odds are....forget about it. Or, I'll end up spending more so I meet the minimum amount for free shipping...assholes...
+ I'm really done with guys at the gym. Really? Keep your pecks in your shirt and if you hog all of the room in the weights area, I will straight up jack you in the balls with a kettlebell. Oh and the moaning and groaning? You either sound like you're giving birth to a 10lb baby or faking an orgasm. Either way, stop.
+ I really don't know how people planned their wedding before the time of Pinterest.
+ Lorde's single, "No Better." Obsessing over it. I had no idea it even existed until Spotify clued me in. Go listen now!
+ I think it's hilarious how people thought that the American Psychiatric Association actually declared that taking selfies was a mental disorder.
+ My wedding is making me a Nillionaire.
+ I don't understand why distant relatives and/or strangers will give you their opinion about things when you really didn't ask for it. Like, I'm sorry I gave you the impression that I cared what you had to say about this particular matter....
What are you confessing today??? Link up!
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OMFG that one fish two fish image!! i need that at my desk in big bright letters!!!
ReplyDeleteand i hate the gym too; it's why i refuse to go there to work out and prefer my basement. why must people try and talk to you when clearly, you have your headphones in and in the zone? it's like, I AM WORKING OUT, ASSHOLE; YOU DON'T EXIST GO AWAY.
thanks for linking up!
-kathy
Vodka and Soda
Girrrrl, I know what your preaching...Even though I am HR...I still get the urge from time to time, to stab some of these dumbasses with my letter opener!! hahaha...did that sound really violent??
ReplyDelete-Kristen | Kandid Kristen
don't even get me started with people from work. While I love my job (most days) and I really like the people I work with...there's that one person that just annoys me to no end. And I'm definitely the person that spends the minimum just to get free shipping.
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious. It reminded me of the "rant" I had yesterday. The OB clinic where I go for maternity checkups hasn't followed up on a March 11 email I sent them about an incorrect bill and that was a month ago. I asked to talk to the manger and she was not very apologetic or helpful. DAHHH! I had a hopscotch moment. ;) It's worse coming from a huge pregnant lady. :)
ReplyDeleteI am dying. D-Y-I-N-G over some of your confessions today. The one fucks two fucks wins the internet today. SERIOUSLY!!!!
ReplyDeleteAlso, bitch peas made me snort So there is that.
I work out at home now because I live in the middle of nowhere. I used to live in Buckhead in Atlanta and work out at the LA Fitness there. I seriously would be in awe of the freaking douche canoes and their gym behavior. They were like wild animals. No, bro. And keep your sweat to yourself!
I am glad to hear that no ice cream was harmed in your tenure there. No one is safe anymore.
Give me all the chocolate. After scrolling my Facebook feed I need something!!!!
Hahaha... I love the Dr. Suess graphic... stealing that! And yes, work makes me stabby and wanting to stash a flask in my desk drawer! And I am eating clean but not annoyingly so... god I hope! I promise to clarify that when I eat a burrito I am NOT eating clean:)
ReplyDeleteHehe On Fk, Two Fk, Red Fk, Blue Fk. My favorite.
ReplyDeleteword on the gym!!!! I love my bar classes - no chatter!!!! Good job on not kicking anyone in the face that is def the measure of a successful day!
ReplyDeleteRight?? Haha. GAH I wish we had classes like that by me :(.
DeleteOh gawd the eating clean thing...I feel that way about naturals too. Its always "I need to go home and co wash" or "I love shea moisture, m curls just drink it up" I could go on and on with the shit they say
ReplyDeleteDon't even get me STARTED on wishing drinking on the job was allowed. Some days... good LAWD do I want to lose my shit and just sit there and SCREAM! hahah
ReplyDeleteWith you on the free shipping. I think it's ridiculous that at this point places even charge for it. At least have it free for over $25. Some places are free after $100 and I'm like uhm, NOPE!
WOW have not seen the facebook pages for babies yet, but the minute I do, unfriending is happening. that's absurd!
ReplyDeleteI really wanted to pick a few of these and comment on but then I laughed through the whole post and couldn't pick a favorite!! The drinking at work though needs to happen!!
ReplyDeleteI hope this isn't too creepy, but whenever I read your posts, I think to myself, "I'd like to hang out with Em. She seems like a hoot." This post cracked me up. Also, I applaud you on your willpower. You say no to chocolate when it antagonizes you? I have a chocolate chip in my mouth as I'm typing this. No joke. I have problems.
ReplyDeleteI want chocolate chips!!! Jealous....and oh my I feel so flattered! :D Let's hang!! We can eat chocolate chips together all day long!
Deletewow..... I think it would be best if i kept my mouth shut LOL
ReplyDeletehttp://nightowlventing02.blogspot.com/2014/04/hump-day-confessions.html
Omg Emily i'm dying lol!! From one Nillionaire to another- SO funny!! The Dr.Suess photo is hilarious! And I cant tell you how I agree with the Eating Clean' thing . I saw the ecard and I almost died, I couldnt agree more! Can I get an eye roll up here! #PREACH!
ReplyDeleteLisa,xo
http://chiclittlethrills.blogspot.com/
You are joking about the Facebook page for babies right (really you have to be)!?! So at what age does the kid get to take it over 3, 5, 8?
ReplyDeleteI HATE paying for shipping....I will spend so much time looking for a free shipping option and always buy the minimum to get it.
I definitely won't pay for shipping. And whoever makes a FB page for their baby will get a decline for that request and a defriend on their own page!
ReplyDeleteah, chocolate is my weakness! i give in though, i eat the dark stuff so its healthy right? :)
ReplyDeletexo. jenn @ hello, rigby!
Stop it.....this is hands down my favorite post of the day. That email honestly???? I just figured out that my oldest sisters email is lepprincess because she was obsessed with Def Leopard growing up.....I had no idea....
ReplyDeleteMm, chocolate.
ReplyDeleteI know I don't eat clean. I stuff my face with Fast Food and chips often.
OMG yes that was totally my day at work today, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs! Instead I cowered in my office all day... and nope, no way will I pay for shipping either!
ReplyDeleteThe wedding planning...people cut things out of magazine and had huge binders like Monica had on Friends, haaha! We only have one girl that absolutely makes us all crazy and sadly we're not getting rid of her anytime soon! Otherwise, it's just the stupid customers we deal with on a daily basis.
ReplyDeleteAll those images are beyond perfect!!
ReplyDeleteTotally agree with Wedding planning pre Pinterest... doesn't seem possible!
I wish I could have a flask at my desk at all times...and a bull horn to yell at my students.
ReplyDeleteI hate guys at the gym! They are either making the most disturbing noises ever (and usually doing it wrong!) or commenting on my workout. It's the worst!
ReplyDeleteOh my god, you're my soulmate. To everything you just said, YES! First of all, chocolate? Girl, the cravings never stop. They just get louder I think. And as far as clean eating, well...ahem..I have tried..I have failed and I will try again. Gym- one of these days I will go on a murder spree with a barbell and I will feel so good...well until the cops show up anyway. Lorde's song will be my anthem for the calm before the murder spree. :) <3 Seriously, my dear blogmate..how have we not met before!?
ReplyDeleteAwwww look at you!!! You're making me blush and stuff!! You're too awesome and kind for saying such things. :D But seriously, cravings never DO stop!! I don't care how many tricks there are, my body just knows when it's not getting wine or chocolate chip cookies. We need to meet, girll!!!!!
Deleteoh my lanta i heart you. one your pics are spot on today. bitch, peas. i died. two. I HATE PEOPLE that say they eat clean, but you know it's a lie. don't pretend! I don't care what you put in your body but don't lie to me about it !!!!
ReplyDeleteDone hearing about clean eating. Done done done. You eat what you want and don't lie to yourself or me about it.
ReplyDeleteAhhh the wedding year poor. I do not miss that!
People who eat clean. So you took a shower and then ate? I CAN'T!
ReplyDeleteI actually think that making a page for your baby is a semi-good idea, so that people who don't want to see every baby picture could avoid them by only following the mom and not the baby. However, I think that would only work in theory. If you didn't follow the baby, the mom is going to be mad that you didn't, so then they might as well be on her page.
ReplyDelete