Friday Freakouts: Bridal Edition

You know what I've learned within the last 24 or so odd months that I've been engaged? Engaged people can be real assholes. It's okay, I can say that since I accept the fact that I can be one of them sometimes. You can protest all you want married/engaged people...but I can almost guarantee that you did or said at least ONE thing that made your family and/or singleton friends contemplate disowning you. If anything, I would say my moment of clarity came when I was arguing with Josh for about 30 minutes regarding a dessert platter for our registry. This seriously happened. In my defense, I was pmsing and there wasn't a chocolate anything to be found. He didn't think having a dessert platter was necessary (of course not, when does he ever make cupcakes?) After that argument and my inner Bridezilla calmed her tits, I sat back and just realized that I've become THAT kind of bride. Oh no, this can't happen.

The following is a list of 24 things I've learned in the past 24 months I've been engaged:

1. Everyone who says they enjoyed planning their entire wedding by themselves....

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2. Singletons tend to become passive aggressive and decide to post "I'm glad I'm single and not married" shit all over their social media accounts. (I know this isn't true for everyone, but boy have I had quite a few encounters).

3. Divorced people treat you like you have a death sentence.

4. Miserable married couples treat you like you need to be saved from said death sentence.

5. I love the idea of planning my wedding, but I really would have loved to hire someone to do all that stuff for me. Because this happens when we find out how much things cost.

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6. It starts out really fun, but several months in, you just want to throw your hands up and say "fuck it" I don't CARE about monogrammed napkins and matching centerpieces.

7. There are way too many terms for types of vases.

8. There are way too many shades of purple.

 
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9. Smaller bridal parties are the way to go.

10. Open up a separate email account for bridal stuff...all of those spam emails will drive you NUTS.

11. People think it's okay to just tell you their opinion about how YOUR married life is going to be...because everyone is exactly the same...

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12. Everyone already planned out when you're having kids. Wait what? Kids? You mean my cats? I already have two, thanks.

13. Everyone WILL judge your wedding down to the guest book. But really, focus on the essentials...

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14. Finding a proper daughter/father dance is going to be one of the hardest tasks.

15. The groom TOTALLY gets off way too easy when it comes to the wedding planning.

16. The minor details will drive you insane.

17. Budget? What budget? Oh the one you said you'd stick to a year ago? Hahahahahahaha.

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18. Finding THE dress is the best part of the wedding planning. Trying on fancy dresses that you'll never have the chance to wear again? Yes please!

19. I'm going to have an identity crisis when I have to change my name.

20. If you've chosen the right bridesmaids, they are THE best hosting wine nights to help you with various bridal tasks.

21. With all of these wedding plans floating around, I can't wait to see it pulled together. Will it be "pulled together?" Oh crap. How will I get through the week before the wedding?

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22. The wedding coordinator at your venue is your saving grace. USE their knowledge!

23. After so many months, you never want to look at another bridal magazine again. You also become an expert judge for TLC's "Say Yes to the Dress."

24. Coming up on less than 50 days until the wedding, you just want to say, "I DO" and live it up wherever you're honeymooning (Barbados in my case!!)

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Now that list makes me look like I hate being engaged, but I really just want to get married to my future hubs already and Paaaarr-teeeeeyyyyy!!! 

We booked the photo booth, ordered place cards and place holders and things for the wedding favors. This weekend Josh and I will be doing the cake tasting too. GREAT just what I need...crazy amounts of cake before my dress appointment next week. Time to double up on my workouts!