Friday, March 14, 2014

Friday Freakouts: Bridal Edition

You know what I've learned within the last 24 or so odd months that I've been engaged? Engaged people can be real assholes. It's okay, I can say that since I accept the fact that I can be one of them sometimes. You can protest all you want married/engaged people...but I can almost guarantee that you did or said at least ONE thing that made your family and/or singleton friends contemplate disowning you. If anything, I would say my moment of clarity came when I was arguing with Josh for about 30 minutes regarding a dessert platter for our registry. This seriously happened. In my defense, I was pmsing and there wasn't a chocolate anything to be found. He didn't think having a dessert platter was necessary (of course not, when does he ever make cupcakes?) After that argument and my inner Bridezilla calmed her tits, I sat back and just realized that I've become THAT kind of bride. Oh no, this can't happen.

The following is a list of 24 things I've learned in the past 24 months I've been engaged:

1. Everyone who says they enjoyed planning their entire wedding by themselves....

2. Singletons tend to become passive aggressive and decide to post "I'm glad I'm single and not married" shit all over their social media accounts. (I know this isn't true for everyone, but boy have I had quite a few encounters).

3. Divorced people treat you like you have a death sentence.

4. Miserable married couples treat you like you need to be saved from said death sentence.

5. I love the idea of planning my wedding, but I really would have loved to hire someone to do all that stuff for me. Because this happens when we find out how much things cost.

6. It starts out really fun, but several months in, you just want to throw your hands up and say "fuck it" I don't CARE about monogrammed napkins and matching centerpieces.

7. There are way too many terms for types of vases.

8. There are way too many shades of purple.


9. Smaller bridal parties are the way to go.

10. Open up a separate email account for bridal stuff...all of those spam emails will drive you NUTS.

11. People think it's okay to just tell you their opinion about how YOUR married life is going to be...because everyone is exactly the same...

12. Everyone already planned out when you're having kids. Wait what? Kids? You mean my cats? I already have two, thanks.

13. Everyone WILL judge your wedding down to the guest book. But really, focus on the essentials...

14. Finding a proper daughter/father dance is going to be one of the hardest tasks.

15. The groom TOTALLY gets off way too easy when it comes to the wedding planning.

16. The minor details will drive you insane.

17. Budget? What budget? Oh the one you said you'd stick to a year ago? Hahahahahahaha.

18. Finding THE dress is the best part of the wedding planning. Trying on fancy dresses that you'll never have the chance to wear again? Yes please!

19. I'm going to have an identity crisis when I have to change my name.

20. If you've chosen the right bridesmaids, they are THE best hosting wine nights to help you with various bridal tasks.

21. With all of these wedding plans floating around, I can't wait to see it pulled together. Will it be "pulled together?" Oh crap. How will I get through the week before the wedding?

22. The wedding coordinator at your venue is your saving grace. USE their knowledge!

23. After so many months, you never want to look at another bridal magazine again. You also become an expert judge for TLC's "Say Yes to the Dress."

24. Coming up on less than 50 days until the wedding, you just want to say, "I DO" and live it up wherever you're honeymooning (Barbados in my case!!)

Now that list makes me look like I hate being engaged, but I really just want to get married to my future hubs already and Paaaarr-teeeeeyyyyy!!! 

We booked the photo booth, ordered place cards and place holders and things for the wedding favors. This weekend Josh and I will be doing the cake tasting too. GREAT just what I need...crazy amounts of cake before my dress appointment next week. Time to double up on my workouts!



  1. AMEN SISTER! Seriously. These things drive me crazy and I'm not even engaged!

  2. I nodded my head the entire is so fun but certainly does lead people to give you lots of unsolicited opinions.....oh and the bridal spam!!!! Enough already!!!!!
    Amanda|Meet @ the Barre

  3. I seriously loved every one of those! While I'm not engaged yet (I know it's around the corner, I caught an end of a phone convo I wasn't suppose to) I have lots of friends who are and I enjoy certain parts of the process. Your post made me laugh tho I have a feeling I will feel just like you soon enough! Goodluck!! Eat all the cake and then do Jillian Michaels cardio yoga DVD workout 2 and you'll burn it all off!!

  4. #6 & #18 ----YES!!

    Have fun this weekend, girl!

  5. I got married last May and so many of these are so true! I totally wish I would have made a separate email account for all things wedding-- definitely didn't think of that until after the fact! I actually didn't LOVE being engaged because I was in school, working, and interning the entire time so my husband actually took charge of a lot of the planning which was nice-- but a whole lot was left to the last minute, which actually stressed everyone else out a lot more than me! In the end it all worked out perfect though :)

  6. I have to say, I think engagements change people for better or for worse. As everyone around me is getting engaged, I've begun to distance myself from a lot of friends. It's amazing how shallow engagements make some girls! The cost of the wedding is the craziest!

  7. This post is hysterical!! Love it!

  8. Youhave me cracking up but it's all very true! You're going to love Barbados! It's so beautiful!

  9. I totally get it. Being engaged can be super stressful. Don't you just want to rip everyone's face off when they ask you about every little detail that you haven't decided on yet?

  10. Hahahaha, I grinned all the way through this. I love the Jess meltdown at the price :-P

    Hannah x | lovelettersandsnippets

    1. The Jess meltdown gif is definitely one of my favs! Haha

  11. This post made me laugh so much!!! I can only imagine the stress! Best of luck with your wedding, all the stress will pay off x

    I also followed your blog, would love for you to follow back? :) I'm new to the blogging world so I would really like people to read my blog :) x

  12. Haha!!! Love it because I have been engaged for two months and I am already tired of the wedding talk. Like I am seriously thinking of just eloping. And the spam email...grrrr...hate it. I actually wrote about bridal junkmail I get in the snail mail. Who the heck are these people!

    Maria @ The Good Life

    1. RIGHT? Some people even got my phone number somehow! AGH! Two months in??? Giirrrllll brace yourself haha.

  13. Haha yes! I got married last summer and have to agree with almost all of these! I became OB-sessed with SYTTD when I got engaged and watched it literally everyday. Yeeahh, I can't watch that show anymore. I loved wedding planning but I'm also so glad it's over! Good luck with everything!

  14. All these things are so true! Great read.
    I hated wedding planning. If I could go back I would have eloped.

    ~Ashley @ A Cute Angle

  15. yes i guess it can be true all that you've said.. it seems to be hardworking and stressful to plan a wedding but most of the times it's worth it :)

  16. Ooooooh yes. Yes, yes. I was so freaking over wedding planning. In fact, I was pretty much over it long before we were ever engaged (you've heard the saying, always the bridesmaid never the bride? Yeah, that was me). Luckily, my mom had all these opinions and ideas and I was like "oh! You wanna plan it? Okay. Just tell me where and when to show up, thanks!" I just so badly DIDN'T CARE! I just wanted to be married at the end of the day. Also, I nearly spit out my drink when I read "bridezilla calmed her tits."